Life With a Preemie

This post is more like a journal entry, but there are many thoughts that can run through your head when you’re sitting in a hospital day in and day out waiting for your son to simply develop the skill to suck, breathe, and swallow at the same time.

Our sixth little babe, Josiah, was born on the 26th of June. He’s gorgeous. He was also born at 33 weeks, our first premature baby. I feel like a first time parent again. And I’m an emotional roller coaster. Of course, Bill would probably say that’s pretty much true of me all the time. 🙂 The following is simply a list of thoughts with no summary statement. Just one mama being transparent.

Things I’m grateful for:

  • Josiah was big for a preemie (5 lbs.) and is doing remarkably well
  • The delivery was great, in fact it was the easiest delivery I’ve had (except for a little placenta issue that will be told on our other blog)
  • I couldn’t be happier with the care we’ve gotten at this hospital, both the nurses and doctors who took care of me and the ones who are caring for our little man
  • The kids love their new baby brother
  • God used my hospital stays to connect us with some sweet new friends and believers–one nurse is part of a church that is generally doing the same thing Bill and I came to Indy to do (inner-city stuff)–this same nurse wants to set up meals for us when we all get home; another nurse has invited our whole family (yep) to her farm
  • Josiah latched on today and took in 10ml of milk from me–I cried and laughed at the same time (did I mention anything about being an emotional roller coaster?)
  • We still are being loved on by our friends in the Louisville area–one sweet sister drove up to Indy yesterday with the plan to take care of our kids as we need her–Bill will be driving them down to her tomorrow to stay for the rest of the week
  • Bill has been blessed again with a flexible job and an understanding boss, so he’s had a bit more freedom with hours and some ability to work from home, making him more available for the five kids at home and the wife and baby in the hospital
  • I feel great, really great, better than I usually do after having a baby
  • I’m always reminded during these times how gracious our parents are–Bill’s parents took all five kids to their home in Murray last week, all week, so we could focus on Josiah; my parents came in this week with the plan to stay with the kids “as long as it took”–we had to force my mother to go home when we realized she was unwell with some kind of inner-ear issue after flying home from Liberia last week (yep, she’s a rock star)–otherwise she would have stayed on and suffered silently through the whole week
  • My faith is being challenged and grown bit by bit every day
  • I can now say I’ve done it all when it comes to birthing babies
  • Bill and I decided Josiah would be the last baby I would carry a few months back after realizing with some medical advice that my body was shutting down to having babies–this was confirmed by the doctor who delivered Josiah based on the complications that came along with the delivery–it gave me more peace about calling it quits in the pregnancy department
  • I’m getting some planning done in my down time
  • Josiah will most likely only be in the hospital 2-3 weeks–I have known people whose little ones have been in the hospital for months–my heart suddenly hurts for them much more

Things my sinful heart is tempted to complain about:

  • When I’m with Josiah, I desperately miss my children at home; when I’m home, I desperately miss Josiah
  • My heart stops every time Josiah’s oxygen levels go down, even though it’s perfectly normal for a preemie and the nurses have it totally covered
  • I’m emotionally and physically exhausted
  • It’s lonely to be here in a new city without the huge friend support we’ve grown so accustomed (aka been undeservedly blessed) to have–I hate my sinful, selfish flesh
  • My kids at home are going to go away again to be cared for by other people–I want to care for them
  • Everything is unpredictable right now–I don’t do unpredictable well
  • I miss cuddling with, reading to, and playing with the five at home–pattern anyone?
  • As Bill said today at lunch around our table, “One of our places is empty right now. Let’s pray that little Josiah gets to come home soon to fill it.”
  • I want to be all alone and with a million people at the same time