Blogging is a bittersweet thing for me. It takes more time than I feel like I have or want to give to it, and it tempts me to feel like I need to perform, making everyone think I’m oh-so-wise and have it all together. On the other hand, it challenges my mind, gives a woman who doesn’t scrapbook a way to record memories, encourages me to expose my sins and failures so I can shout to the world my continuing need for a savior.
Since Josiah was born, we haven’t blogged. I have never felt more out of control as I have since moving to Indy, and blogging was the last thing I wanted to think about. This has been one of the most difficult years I have known with more transitions than I care to go through again. The last two weeks, however, I’ve finally started to feel slightly settled, a sensation I haven’t known since January. The last two weeks have also proven to be my most emotional. You know those times when your adrenaline kicks in and you totally keep it together, then fall apart when it’s all over? You now have your visual of my current state.
For many reasons too long to explain in one post, part of the solution to my insanity has been Bill encouraging us to get back to blogging. Today I looked at Bill once again in desperation and simply repeated a phrase I know well, “I don’t know what to do!” Bill looked at me and told me that if someone else were sitting in my living room saying the exact things I were saying, I would most likely know how to encourage them. Once again I heard the words, “I think you should write about it.” This time his words are sticking. I want to write again. I want to expose myself, messes and all. I want to be reminded that the question is not, “What do I do?” but “Who has done it?” We both want this blog to serve its original purpose–to share our footnote in the One Great Story and help
ourselves others learn how to look to Jesus in both our failures and successes.