Which one is it?
Victoria (asking about praying before we ate): Can we pray in our heads?
Me: Yes.
Victoria: Okay. Can you pray for us then?

So, so tired
Victoria (after sitting in my lap for a while in the morning): I’m tired…
Me: Oh, you’re tired? Do you need to go back to bed then?
Victoria: No, I’m tired of sleeping.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Esther: I smell cookies.
Miriam: I don’t smell anything. All I smell is food.

I’m clearly funnier than you realize
Miriam (after saying something she thought was über-funny): Nobody’s laughing. Why?

Some people call them happy meals
Victoria: Why did you get us laughing meals?

Well, clearly I’m wrong here…
Bill: Come upstairs for a bath.
Victoria: But Daddy, I have nothing on me!

That’s an odd reason
Victoria (telling us why her usual dance teacher wasn’t there): My dance teacher was getting dressed. [She was at a dress rehearsal.]

Best joke ever
Miriam: Why do mommies and daddies say amen? Daddies do because they’re a-MEN.

Almost, but not quite
Game Question: What is the name of our galaxy?
Ariana: Oh, I know—the United States of America!

Talk about stinky
Miriam: I opened the outside trash can and it smelled really bad.
Me: Like your butt?
Miriam: No! It was worse!

No hypocrites allowed
Victoria: Josiah and Aiden were talking at the table when you told them not to.
Me: Oh really? Were you doing anything wrong, like maybe tattling on your brothers?
Victoria: Nope!

Trying to explain medical procedures to a four-year-old
Victoria (referring to Liam’s 2010 spinal surgery she’d just learned about): Liam went to the doctor and the doctor gave him a spinal cord!