Kidisms

Theology 101:
Josiah: Did you know Jesus dies on the cross every time he gets sick?

When Ariana and her friends kept talking through a movie:
Me: Don’t make me Avada Kedavra your butts!
Renne (friend): You’re sometimes really hilarious and sometimes really creepy.

Victoria was looking at toys online for Miriam’s birthday. One toy caught her attention:
V: Whoa! That’s creepy!! Kind of makes me want to have it…

Not correlated at all…:
Esther: I’m not actually close to full. It’s just that my belly hurts.

It certainly works in your favor:
Josiah: Mom loves me a lot because I snuggle with her lots of times.

That’s one kind of reputation:
Liam: I have street cruds now.

Instructing Victoria on how to use a British accent well:
Miriam: You just have to say British stuff like “Bonjour.”

Such a humble apology:
Victoria: I’m sorry I’m such a fast runner.

Girls rule:
Esther: Women think snoring is disgusting. That’s why they don’t do it.

Some people just don’t get it:
Miriam: Does anyone know where the 13 Colonies sheet is?
Esther: I don’t know what that is.
Miriam: It’s the 13 Colonies sheet.

Reading stories of Jesus for our Lent tree:
Bill: What does the footstool represent?
Aiden: It’s for standing on to wash our hands!

Letting Josiah try a coffee M&M:
Josiah: Mmmmm!!! Could I try…seven more?

Subtle, Kid. So subtle:
Josiah: Mommy, what’s for lunch? Oh, look! I see a McDonald’s!

Kidisms

Kindling the Fire
Victoria: I didn’t know daddy had that tablet.
Me: Oh, his Kindle?
Victoria: Yeah, his candle tablet!

Somebody call the cops!
Esther (watching me type up e-vites): Are you using those for investigations?
Bill: Do you mean invitations?

Literally literal
Bill (asking her what topic she’d written about): What did you write it on?
Esther: I wrote it on notebook paper

We call it “The South”
Ariana: Isn’t there another country that calls lunch dinner

It was out of his hands
Liam gave Josiah gum and told him not to swallow it. Five minutes later Josiah said: I’m sorry, Wiam. It slid down to my tummy.

The blood of Jesus doesn’t remove everything…
Victoria: Why is Miriam still crazy even though she’s been baptized!?

Them bones
Victoria: Why do we have bones?
Court: So we can stand and walk.
Josiah: Can babies walk?
Court: Not usually.
Josiah: Oh. So babies don’t have bones.

And the humblest
Josiah: Is Daddy cute?
Court: He’s the cutest!
Josiah: He’s not the cutest! I’m the cutest!

Come home already!
Josiah: How many minuses is Daddy’s work? [How many minutes till Daddy’s home?]

Kidisms

After my hair appointment:

Ariana: Did they color your hair?

Victoria: Wait, they have markers there?!

Music to our ears?

Victoria singing a made up tune: My mommy and daddy said when they die I can do whatever I want except disobey.

Nailed it!

Josiah: I didn’t put my pants on backwards! I just put my wegs in the wrong holes.

Brilliant new drink:

Victoria: What does Dr. Pepper salt taste like?

On school:

Miriam: Am I able to do [math] drills on my own?

Court: Um, no.

Miriam: (grinning) Oh. Right. Because I’m untrustworthy.

Probably Smith…:

Victoria: What’s the Johnsons’ last name?

Stop Growing Up!:

Court: Will you please stay four forever? Please?

Victoria: Yep! But on my birthday I’ll turn five.

It’s all in the DNA:

Bill (to Court): Victoria has your eyes but Josiah has mine.

Josiah: No! Dese are MY eyes!!

I’m a few hours older:

Court: There’s another Courtney Bell in Indiana who was born the exact same day I was!

Ariana: Is she the same age as you?!

You’ll never find them:

Victoria: Guess where my flip flops are! But don’t look under my chair!

Ariana: I’m guessing they’re under your chair.

Victoria (bemused): Oh…

So big:

Aiden: (holding up four fingers) Look! I’m three!

Court: (holding up four fingers) Count again. How old are you?

Aiden: Five?

Just borrowing:

Court: Why do you have that? Isn’t that Victoria’s?

Ariana: (grinning slyly) Because she’s asleep…

When I was a bit under the weather:

Ariana: Say “Get better!”

Josiah: (looking at a toy) Get better!

Ariana: No, say, “Get better” to Mommy.

Josiah: (still looking at toy) Get better to Mommy!

Kidisms

Which one is it?
Victoria (asking about praying before we ate): Can we pray in our heads?
Me: Yes.
Victoria: Okay. Can you pray for us then?

So, so tired
Victoria (after sitting in my lap for a while in the morning): I’m tired…
Me: Oh, you’re tired? Do you need to go back to bed then?
Victoria: No, I’m tired of sleeping.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Esther: I smell cookies.
Miriam: I don’t smell anything. All I smell is food.

I’m clearly funnier than you realize
Miriam (after saying something she thought was über-funny): Nobody’s laughing. Why?

Some people call them happy meals
Victoria: Why did you get us laughing meals?

Well, clearly I’m wrong here…
Bill: Come upstairs for a bath.
Victoria: But Daddy, I have nothing on me!

That’s an odd reason
Victoria (telling us why her usual dance teacher wasn’t there): My dance teacher was getting dressed. [She was at a dress rehearsal.]

Best joke ever
Miriam: Why do mommies and daddies say amen? Daddies do because they’re a-MEN.

Almost, but not quite
Game Question: What is the name of our galaxy?
Ariana: Oh, I know—the United States of America!

Talk about stinky
Miriam: I opened the outside trash can and it smelled really bad.
Me: Like your butt?
Miriam: No! It was worse!

No hypocrites allowed
Victoria: Josiah and Aiden were talking at the table when you told them not to.
Me: Oh really? Were you doing anything wrong, like maybe tattling on your brothers?
Victoria: Nope!

Trying to explain medical procedures to a four-year-old
Victoria (referring to Liam’s 2010 spinal surgery she’d just learned about): Liam went to the doctor and the doctor gave him a spinal cord!

Kidisms

Future mathematician:

Essie: 95?! Wow, that’s millions!

Addressing a huge issue:

Essie: Miriam and I are the only ones who fix the playhouse roof. No one else wants to. It’s SUPER serious.

Sometimes we just need a minute:

Essie: Mom…
Me: What is it?
Essie: Hold on, let me get this laugh out.

Dinnertime:

H: I think I smell pork from a porcupine.

Dressing a toy knight:

Victoria:  It fits the night night guy!

Good idea:

H: I’m just going to be patient and wait until I’m older to die.

Declaration after riding her bike fast down the sidewalk and crashing into the bottom step at full speed over and over:

Miriam: Every time I hit the step, I feel like I have to poop, but I don’t!

Potato Potahto:

Bill: Did you know you set the alarm off this morning?
Miriam: I didn’t set it off. I set it on!

From the mouth of babes:

Ariana: She’s a lot like Mommy, but she doesn’t use as many words. She only talks when she’s supposed to.

At least they aren’t organized criminals:

Bill: What’s the head of the Mafia called?
Liam: Mozzarella

While Liam was dog sitting:

Ariana: You’re going to the dog house!

We’ll think about it:

Victoria: When I finish sleeping can I wake up?

Conversation about her co-op teachers:

Me: It sounds like you have wise teachers.
Miriam: I don’t think I have wise teachers.
Me: What does “wise” mean?
Miriam: It means wise and strong, and I don’t really get this.

Pop cultured:

Bill: What is Bruce Springsteen’s nickname?
Liam: Wait, I know! He’s in Monsters, Inc!

Nailed speech therapy:

Josiah: Es ease!
Bill: Can you say, “Yes, please?”
Josiah: Yes, pease.
Bill: Yes! That was it!
Josiah: (looking proud) I said “es ease”

Kidisms

Time to go back to the history books
After learning that the first IHOP was opened in 1958, Liam pondered, “Oh, so it looked just like this except they would have used candles instead of electricity?”

Ya gotta be sure about these things
During snack, Liam threw away all his blueberries because they had gone bad and got an apple instead:
Miriam: Can I get an apple, too, because my blueberries were bad?
Court: Yes.
Ariana: But she already ate all her blueberries!
Miriam: I was just seeing if they all tasted good!

I’m a doctor, not a saint
Liam: I learned an important lesson from watching Star Trek: Don’t say half the words the doctor says.

Snips and snails and puppy dogs’ tails
Liam: Why does it always have to be that girls are creative and boys just knock things down?

The trouble with homonyms
Ariana: Am I ever going to use any of my cents?

Bathroom humor
Liam’s first crack at making up his own joke:
Q: What did the man say when his toilet started leaking?
A: Oh, poop!

Kidisms

Dinnertime conversations:
Victoria: Mommy, I tooted in my mouth!
Me: Do you mean you burped?
Victoria: Yeah, I burped.

I’m so flattered:
Liam: Mom, we think you’re the second best draw-er in the house.
Me: Thanks!
Liam: Well, we used to think you were the worst…

We have room for improvement:
Bill: Everyone needs to go clean up the mess downstairs.
Liam: Is it cleaning day or is someone coming over?

For several months, Miriam told me I was pretty no matter what I looked like. Then this happened:
Miriam: Do you know why I always tell you you’re pretty?
Me: No.
Miriam: Because I think if I didn’t say that, I might get in trouble.

Is there a DeLorean around here?
Miriam: We watched “Back to the Future”!
Us (not knowing where or when they would have seen it): What!?
Miriam: It was something like that.
Ariana (trying to help): I know. That’s “Robin Hood”!
Us (baffled and speechless as to how Robin Hood and Back to the Future have anything to do with each other): …
Liam: Do you mean “Meet the Robinsons”?
Miriam and Ariana: Yes!

She’s always right:
Lindsay (V’s speech therapist, pointing to a picture of Olaf from “Frozen”): Is that Olaf?
Victoria: No, dat’s a sno-ma (snowman).
Lindsay: Isn’t his name Olaf?
Victoria: No, he’s sno-ma.

Kidisms

Talking about her younger sibling:

Miriam: I like Josiah a lot, and I like Victoria a little.

Right after Miriam farted:

Liam: That was Miriam and that was cool!

While decorating for Christmas:

Miriam: Do we have any hooks to hang our stockings with?

Bill: No.

Miriam: Well what do we do? Do we call the police? Or are they only for catching bad guys?

During breakfast:

Liam: Too much syrup is bad for you. You should have powdered sugar instead.

Almost…:

Miriam: Liam is eight which means he’s almost twelve.

Kidisms

After watching Liam play soccer for three weeks:

Esther: Why are they always kicking the ball?

With a full mouth during dinner:

Miriam: I can’t answer you. My mouth is full.

Dinnertime games:

Miriam: I have wings, a circle head, a small body, and small legs. What am I?

Me: (after several wrong guesses) What color are you?

Miriam: Whatever color birds are.

Me: Are you a bird?

Miriam: Yes!

On a breakfast date with Daddy after eating half her food:

Miriam: You’re not going to cook anymore for the rest of the day, right?

Bill: We’ll still have lunch, supper, and maybe a snack.

Miriam: (looking worried) I can’t eat anymore today! My belly’s already way too filled up with food!

Bill picking on me regarding a time I locked the kids in the van (which Liam doesn’t remember):

Bill: What would you think if someone locked their keys in the car?

Liam: That would be kind of dumb.

Bill: What if they locked their kids in their car?

Liam: I’m not allowed to say that word, but it’s spelled s-t-o-o-p-i-d.

Kidisms

*We couldn’t decide which blog these should be on. They reflect fun parenting moments and are sweet memories for our family, so we’ll be double posting these each time.

Ariana and Liam were being competitive one day trying to get their school work done first:

Me: You two don’t need to race.

Ariana: Yes, we do.

Me: Why do you think you have to race?

Ariana: Cause when we mess up, we have to race.

Bill: Do you mean erase?

Ariana: Oh. Yeah.

Big announcement:

Miriam: My favorite colors are black and green, cuz that’s the color of my poop.

That makes sense:

Bill: Should you disobey Mommy?

Ariana: Uh huh.

Bill: What?

Ariana: Uh huh means no.

A child’s observational skills:

After Esther held Josiah in the bathtub so Bill could give him a bath, she observed: “Daddy! Josiah has a tail like you and Liam do!”

We obviously still have much to learn with time concept:

Liam: How long will it take you to drive to Florida?

John: About 18 hours.

Liam: Whoa! That will probably take you 4 days! Maybe even 12 days!